I Am the Unluckiest Ninja Ever Born
by PlotOfLife
Summary: Any idiot can live through a crisis - It's day to day living that wears you out. That's al fine and dandy, but what if your crisis IS a day to day thing! OC, requesting suggestions. Drama at the moment, but sarcastic humor runs rampant!


Greetings. This is my new story - My other two are on standby due to irritating writers block and plain ol' laziness. :p This is a vent for my vast amounts of angst, but I plan for humor to come in later. Because I'm a comedian like that.

And because the only good stories a fuzzy story. Or fluffy. One of those two.

Hope you like, review, suggest, and _read the bottom A/N_. Or I'll sic Takeshi on you.

* * *

_How the hell'd I end up here?_

I blinked, struggling to focus my uncooperative eyes.

_Bright light. Screams. Fear. How'd this happen? It was just a D-rank, nothing too hard, how were we supposed to know we'd be clashing blades with damn Jounins, we're only brand new Chunin, for the love of all that's holy, oh god, someone help me, I can't feel my arm, what happened to the others…_

Oh. Right. That.

My team and I were on patrol duty outside the village. It was an easy mission, something Hiro-sensei had given us to appease Takeshi(aka the cocky bastard). There'd been an attack, and Yoshi'd gone down within the first few minutes – he'd always been more of a braniac than a fighter, he never stood a chance. Takeshi had yelled at me to get him out of there, get him to the hospital, alert the other guards, and I ran for it, too terrified to think of myself as a coward. But our attackers had caught up to me, and then…

Nothing.

But now…

"Emi-chan? Are you there?" Who the heck is that? And where else would I be?

"Mmh." Something was covering my mouth, muffling my words.

"Emi, you're in Konoha, dear. Don't try to move. You've been in a coma for quite some time. Not surprising, really, considering the extent of your injuries, but you have to stay still for now. Do you understand?" Why'd she ask me a question? Thought she wanted me to stay still!

A strangled sound echoed in my throat, barely recognizable as the mocking laugh it was meant to be. I blinked again, this time in shock. What the hell..?

My surroundings came into focus, blurs sharpening into the recognizable shapes of hospital furniture. A woman was bent over me, motherly concern evident on her chubby face. I'd guess she was about forty-ish, judging by the gray in her dark brown hair. Her eyes were the screwed up, squinty kind, and a few wrinkles radiated from her mouth. She was dressed in a medic's uniform. Definitely the hospital.

"You were attacked, dear." No shit. "You and your teammates were all critically injured." Wait, what? Ta-ta (Takeshi) and Yoshi were hurt? Well, I'd known Yoshi was out of it, seeing as I'd been there when the shuriken had bit into his side. I shuddered, the movement bringing on a wave of pain. Mama Medic turned on her sympathy face.

"Don't worry, Emi. They're both awake. In fact, they're right outside. Would you like to see them?" I thought about it for a second. _Did_ I want to see them? Takeshi would give me a world of grief on letting the enemy outrun me, being defeated, etc. A grimace twisted my mouth.

But wait…

He'd let the enemy get past him, hadn't he? I mean, how else would they have caught up with me? And besides, Mama Medic had said that all of my teammates had been injured! Which meant even the great Ta-ta had lost his fight! Hah!

My weird laugh turned into a moan when pain lanced through my body – Again. The helpful nurse gave me a look that doubted my sanity, but didn't mention anything. She sighed and stood up.

"Well, I suppose I-," she began, before the door crashed open.

"EMI, YOU IDIOT!" a voice roared. I winced. That voice was very familiar.

"I thought I told you two to wait outside?" Mama M scolded, wagging a finger in the seven-foot-tall hot-head's face. He crossed his arms and scowled, while another person cautiously poked his head in.

"Takeshi-san got tired of waiting," Yoshi said evenly, smiling from under his huge glasses. He turned to me, frizzy brown hair bouncing from the movement. Honestly, he looks like such a nerd! Scratch that, he _is_ a nerd! Top score graduating the Academy, and all that. Boy'd make a great doctor, with his brains. "Hello there, Emi-chan. You gave us quite a scare, what with being unconscious for three weeks." _Three weeks?_ Forget what I said, Yoshi would be the worst doctor _ever_. No bedside manner _at all_.

Takeshi glanced at me, a smirk spreading over his face at the panicked expression I was sure was on mine. "Yeah, guess you're just a big, clutzy baby after all, huh, Emi-chan?" I scowled, and he laughed. (For the record, his leg was in a cast. Guess you were injured after all, Ta-ta!) Then he took another look at me, and the grin faded, his expression going from cocky and superior to awkward and regretful. It looked like the face someone would make at a funeral, when they'd insulted the person who'd died, and they'd realized what had just come out of their mouth.

"I…I'm sorry, Emi, I…Didn't think…" His voice trailed off, leaving me confused. What the heck? Ta-ta apologizing? Is it the apocalypse? He glanced away from my inquisitive look, skin turning slightly green. I glanced at Yoshi, who was finding his shoes very fascinating. Same goes for Mama M.

I made a sound along the lines of, "Mmmh? Mammh mongm?" which is Covered Mouth for, "What? What's wrong?" I glanced down at myself.

Since I was lying down, all I could see was what was covering my mouth. It was one of those oxygen-mask-thingies, the see-through kind. I could see it fogging up as I breathed. I levered myself up using on elbow. Strangely, I didn't go up that far. A puzzled frown crept over my face, and I glanced down at my arm.

And froze, frown vanishing in lieu of an expression of pure panic. My breath hitched. I was briefly aware of Yoshi's voice cutting through the deadly silent room.

"An Anbu squad found us a few minutes after you were knocked out. They drove our attackers off, but…"

'…_someone help me, I can't feel my arm…'_

"…the damage had already been done. Emi, I'm so sorry, if I weren't such a failure as a shinobi, I might have lasted longer, I might have been able to help you…"

'…_I can't feel my arm…'_

It was impossible. My brain refused to comprehend what my eyes were telling it. _Look again_, it demanded. _We are_, they snapped back, forcing my brain to accept the image that would be burned into my memory for the rest of my life.

My arm. Or rather, my stump, which ended just above where my elbow _used_ to be.

Oh, crap.

I'm a crippled ninja.

* * *

Well, um...That's it. For now.

Kinda short, I know. But please, give me suggestions! What time period should this take place? Preferably some time _before_ or _during_ the series, since I gave up on the original at a point after Sasuke left(plot started revolving around the evil little twerp), and I'm only as far on Shippuden as the dub is. I _have_ read about a gazillion spoilers, though, so I know a fair bit, but still.

Anyway, what time period? Who attacked them? Should I make the next few chapters all info on what happened before the Great Crippling?

_If you care at all you will answer these questions and give me other suggestions!_


End file.
